SUNSETS AND SORROWS

FFfAW Challenge – Photo provided by Footy and Foodie

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I was thirteen years old when I became fond of sunsets. It always brings me realizations. It makes me ponder on the day’s events, reflect on the big or little mistakes I did and smile at simple or noble deeds I made. It reminds me that as the day comes to an end, no matter how good or bad it had been, tomorrow will be another day.

As I stand here in the parking area, sadness overpowers the feeling of appreciation for the beauty of the sunset in front of me. Starting today, I will watch the sunset without the man who taught me to see its beauty. I will say goodbye to each day with sorrow, not knowing how I’ll face tomorrow.

I wipe away my tears and gather the strength to say my final goodbyes to my father in front of all who came to his wake.

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TO THE GREAT WRITER

pen

Of all the words of tongue and pen;
With all the sweetest things made by men;
Given all that I ever did, yet here I am,
Staring, trying hard, mentally blocked again.

I was once a good one, yes!
Even my friends thought so, I guess.
Whenever I go back and all my pieces I see,
I always ask myself, “Were these really from me?”

As I sit here alone, staring blankly,
Watching the people while sipping my coffee,
Trying to get inspiration even from a rotting tree,
I beg my mind with all my heart to speak for me.

Are my brain cells that rusty?
Or did I just lose my creativity?
What inspiration do I need?
Did my motivation simply dimmed?

If only I chased my real ambition before,
Maybe this wouldn’t be difficult anymore.
I couldn’t help now but daydream
Of what great writer I could’ve been.

But nope, I will not let this make me cry.
I can still pursue my dream, at least I’ll try.
So far, the sixth verse is doing well, you see.
Doesn’t matter if you won’t humor me.

It is still one of my God-given skills,
Though not yet something that can pay the bills.
Through this I can be the witness
Of His love, grace, and goodness.

Writing will be a passion forever.
It is what holds my sanity together.
So I’ll propose a toast using my coffee,
“To the great writer that someday I’ll be”.

Some lines are borrowed. Forgot where, though. Credits to the owner, anyway.

ADRENALINE RUSH

My heart is beating fast. This is the first time in a long time that I felt this way again. Right now, all the episodes of my life where adrenaline got the best of me flashes back, as if I am living it all again. It all came rushing to me as fast as the beat of my heart…

Graduation day. You looked into my eyes, right before the ceremony started, and poured out your feelings for me. Even though I was unbelieving at first, the adrenaline came rushing to my head and I was able to brilliantly deliver my speech as the Summa Cum Laude of our batch. When I finished the speech, I scanned and searched among the faces of the audience while they gave me a standing ovation. It was not only your face that I found in the midst of that crowd then, but you, the love of my life, and that was then that I knew that I love you, too…

Marrying you. I felt the strong emotions flooded me as I clung to my father’s arm, though I was not sure if it was fear, worry or embarrassment. The doors in front of me opened and I did not notice that my steps were not in tune with the beautiful music because of my nerves. In my haste to close the distance between me and the altar, I nearly tripped over my long dress, if it weren’t for my father holding me tight to his arm. I composed myself and looked straight, and I thought it was your eyes which caused me to calm down and just relish the moment. It was then that I realized that the adrenaline rush was because of the love that brought us together at that place and time, which also helped me bring out the promises and formed them into words that I knew I will fulfill for the rest of my life…

Giving birth. The hurt in my tummy was killing me. I was transferred into a different hospital; the reason, I don’t know. Or care. I just wanted them to take away the pain. As if that was not enough, they told me to wait a little longer for the stretcher that will transfer me to a different room. Maybe it was because of the pain which was too much for me or the worry that my baby couldn’t take it any longer, I jumped out of the bed and screamed to the nurses to assist me to the room. What I remembered to happen next was looking at you holding our beautiful daughter, Andrea. You were there all along; you watched us (me and our daughter) and I knew that you were proud of us with the courage that we both showed you that time.

Protecting her. You were still at work when the burglar broke into our home. I was afraid and I did not know what to do. He had a knife and he was asking me to give him the code to our vault. I thought Andrea was asleep but I was shocked to see her running to the thief. I screamed but the man was faster than me. He grabbed Andrea and threatened to hurt her if I didn’t give him what he wanted. That was when I blacked out and the next thing I knew was that you were pulling me off the man and stopping me from stabbing his eye with his own knife. I realized I was bleeding and I remember you telling me that it was the bravest thing that I did just to protect our daughter.

After all those years, I never imagined that those feelings will come back to me, until today.

It’s your birthday. I plan to surprise you by showing up at your office but I’m the one who was surprised as I saw you at the other side of the street, waving at me. I waited for the signal to turn green. I waited with contentment in my heart, knowing that in just 33 seconds, I will be closing the distance between us.

With 10 seconds still left before the go-signal, I found myself crossing the street to push an unknown child, who crossed a little too early, out of the way of a ten-wheeler truck. I quickly looked at you again and saw your eyes fill with horror. I felt the beating of my heart as it became faster than the seconds ticking at the signal. 1, 2, 3, 4. Faster it went until I lost count, and then everything went black…

Photo from Google

Living the Dream

I fell in love.
Big time.
I don’t want to leave, ever.
I want to stay forever
To live the dream;
Be whatever I want to be;
To find myself, my own way.
If only I could stay.
A second passed.
I was disenchanted.
Reality struck hard.
It’s me again,
Living in the dream.

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TO YOU.

Hey there.

I am at the office right now in front of my computer and I can’t work. Heck I’m so sleepy. I can’t think straight and all I can think about is you…

Did I just type that? Yeah, I did. Why am I so dramatic these days? I’ll admit: these past few days, I’ve been daydreaming a lot. Like a lot. I’m reminiscing and wishing that I have the power to turn back time so that I’ll be back to the time that you’re that comical little guy who was in love with me.

Well, you said you were. I remember every detail of it. I admit that I was unbelieving at first. I also did not trust myself to fall for you because I know I’m going to be hurt in the end. So I just hung on and waited to see if you were telling the truth. I told you to hold on and wait for me because I just knew that it was not the right time and I was not prepared enough. I admit I was a bit playing hardball that time.

You held on. I saw you, at peripheral view, showing how you cared for me. I remember the night that you even said it directly to me. You loved me. And as I looked into your eyes, I just knew, you were the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

It sounds corny, but yes, I felt that. Yet, I was still a coward. I didn’t know how to do it that time. I expected too much. I guess I was so sure that you’ll always be there for me until the time that I become ready. I think I took you for granted. I did not even notice you slipping away from me when we parted ways. My life continued. I almost forgot about you. Almost.

Then I saw you again. I was hoping that you’ll look at me like how you’ve looked at me before. It took me long enough to realize that it will not happen. I was confused and hurt, but I never admitted it. Even to myself. We parted again and I guess I was hoping at the back of my mind that fate is only waiting for the right time to bring me back to you.

The right time came. Our paths crossed again, but this time, you had someone else with you. I ached again but I convinced myself that I hated you for lying to me. You said before that you loved me and you’ll wait for me, but there you were: you found someone else.

I watched you from afar. You were happy. I envied you. But I was also sad that I hated you when you were happy. So I gave up. I tried to get a life. I tried to be happy for you. I even found someone else too, and I was glad because I thought that even though we’re parted, we will be both happy.

But I never was. I became confused. I was sorrowed once more because I knew I hurt someone because of my love for you. Yeah, it was then that I realized that I love you, that I’ve loved you ever since you first told me that you did. Then I went through deep pain because I knew that I will never have you again.

When I heard that you parted ways with her, I’ll admit that I was surprised. Yes, a bit overjoyed too. This time, I hope I am not a fool again to wait for fate to bring you back to me. Here I am, waiting and wishing in silence. I am becoming more and more impatient as time goes by and nothing happens still. So I am thinking that maybe this time, it’s my turn to give a go. Yet, as the coward that I am, I don’t know how to do it. How am I gonna confess that you are still the one that I see my future with? I blame this to my arrogance and fears. It scares me that I’ll pass the chance again. What if this is my last chance?

I don’t think I’m ever gonna have the courage to tell you personally everything that I wanted to say to you, all the more than I’m never gonna have the guts to give you this letter. I don’t even know why I wrote this. It’s all maybe because I’m too sleepy. Yeah, maybe I’ll take a nap and who knows… maybe I’ll dream about you and your arms around me. But then again, I fear that I’m just going to be disenchanted when I wake up and realize that you’ll just exist in my dreams forever. So I’ll just sit here, wait for the bell to ring, and save this letter until the time that it’ll find its own way to you.